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Culinary Affairs: A Spokane Blurb

Culinary Affairs: A Spokane Blurb

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I'm in my shower drinking rye whiskey.  Let this be an accurate indicator of the contents of this post.

The Annual Food Issue of Spokane Coeur d'Alene Living makes me want to kill myself. It does. I had be talked out of drinking an entire 750ml bottle of rye whiskey while I (tried to) read it.  If you have a passion for food, and you live in Spokane, I’d advise against reading it, unless you feel like entertaining the thought of killing yourself as well.

First, you can’t really have a cover heading that says “Dishing on Spokane’s Food and Drink Scene” and have your cover picture be a rib eye steak (A RIB EYE STEAK) that looks like it was over garnished with rainbows. Not that the steak probably didn’t taste good, but I mean, if you wanna preach on how cool and up and coming Spokane is with food, I figure that last thing you want on your cover is an over garnished piece of fucking steak, whose back drop is (wait for it)…. a lake. Who exactly are we trying to convince that we are cool? 

Second, how on earth can you cram all those ads for restaurants in your magazine and STILL HAVE ACTUAL ARTICLES ON THE PAGES? It almost seemed as if the ads and food porn were meant to provide a heavy distraction away from now non-helpful the articles were. Were the articles meant to be just loaded with pictures of “good looking” (see what I did there?) food just to distract from the overabundance of dismal writing? Each article seemed like a circle jerk for the mentioned restaurant and how far it's food has come and contained so much over garnished dishes in all the pictures that I COULD NOT DETERMINE THE ACTUAL DISH FROM THE GARNISH without haphazardly reading through said circle jerk article on said restaurant. The whole “dining” section sounded more like if CSPAN and my grandpa decided to team up to cover food for an AARP special on where to dine. 

How much ad money do you make off of plugging restaurants in your magazine?  Do you actually care about food?

Thirdly, this WSJ blurb. Guys, what is this?  “I say we are having a huge impact because of the strength of our local farmers, an environmentally conscious population, and because we have some major culinary talent both here and in Coeur d’Alene that is ambitious, pushing the envelope and making things happen as far as food driven restaurants”

WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN BY FOOD DRIVEN RESTAURANTS?! 

Is that like having an education driven school??

Basically, you just told me that you think we are having a huge impact because we have people that are impactful.

This annual food issue symbolizes everything that is wrong with the food culture in Spokane: It’s business before passion when it comes to food in Spokane. It’s an old world thought that holds culinary development back and propagates itself through the media. Here if a business is doing well then we automatically assume that the food is great, which isn’t true. Guys, McDonalds makes more money than most of the restaurants here, does that mean they automatically have good food? 

See (I’m gonna be blunt guys), most of the people who run things here are soooo old and soooo business/money oriented and out of touch with things that they forget that food starts with passion, not dollar signs. Listen: If you keep putting money and business before passion, you will fail and your city will be filled will shit restaurants while the good ones use Spokane as a stepping stone to move to bigger cities like Portland, Austin, or Seattle.

Wake the fuck up.

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